venue vs vocation
Lately I have been wondering if I have chosen the correct vocation...or if I can chalk up my restlessness-bordering-on-dissatisfaction on a series of poor choices of venues in which to practice my chosen vocation. It seems a bit strange to me that I should exercise such poor foresight and judgment when it comes to ferreting out a good place to practice my trade.
I'm not sure I've ever been truly happy and satisfied in my work in the library world. Which is to say, the last 7 or 8 years of my working life, which, given my age, should probably have been some of my most satisfying and productive.
I started out working in a small special library, doing a variety of tasks. I enjoyed it, and the challenge and passion both lay in the fact that I knew very little about the topic in which the library specialized: namely, resources for childcare and early childhood education. Since my daughter was only a toddler at the time, the subject resonated very strongly with me and I found ways to keep myself interested even though the workload, once I found my footing, wasn't terribly heavy.
I moved after that into two part-time jobs. In one, I was doing mind-numbing data entry work on an endless retrospective conversion (recon) project. That was my entrance into the library system at UBC. My other job was providing PC support for library staff at the college where I received my library technician diploma. That was so dull that I spent a lot of time surfing the internet, and that's how I found out about online dating. So that job, while not particularly fulfilling, allowed me to enter the next phase of my social life, such as it was. But I eventually quit that one because although the data entry stuff at UBC was really dull, at least it kept my mind and fingers occupied for the duration of my shift. And there were other opportunities on campus, whereas the college library didn't offer much in the way of movement.
From the recon project I moved to another branch library, and found myself in yet another area of library work that had been unfamiliar to me up until then. I was working with serials, and I found the complexities maddening...and satisfying. However, despite having bursts of intensity in which I found myself working into and out of backlogs constantly, the job was often very slow and plodding. I stayed there for four years and it was the good relationships I developed with most of my coworkers that kept me there all that time. Finally, the politics and poor administration wore me down and I had to leave.
Now, I work in yet another new environment, in a brand new position, in a resource centre that operates like a library, whose patrons expect it to act like a library, but whose entire existence, until about a year ago, was in the hands of people who had never been trained to run a library. The quality of the records, materials and processes shows those years of neglect keenly, and I often find myself in a tailspin, knowing there is so much to be done, but not having the authority (and yes, I admit it, the skill) to deal with all of it.
So here I am, living in an unsatisfying situation yet again. I can't help but peruse whatever other options are available to me, though I feel kind of lame for not making a go of it here. I long for a job in which I feel on the verge of being overwhelmed every minute, because it is in that state in which I do my best work. When I'm in my current state: spending more time reading newspapers online, surfing random entertainment websites, and posting on my blog at work, than I do actually working, I feel ... heavy. Slow. Tired. Interestingly, I don't feel particularly guilty, because when I am working, I am putting everything I have into what I'm doing. And I have a very high standard, so the work I am doing is quality work.
However, this history, in which I have tested the waters in a variety of library environments, makes me suspect that, despite my passion for it, library work may not offer me the stimulation and capacity that I really need to have in my work. But if not this...then what?
I'm not sure I've ever been truly happy and satisfied in my work in the library world. Which is to say, the last 7 or 8 years of my working life, which, given my age, should probably have been some of my most satisfying and productive.
I started out working in a small special library, doing a variety of tasks. I enjoyed it, and the challenge and passion both lay in the fact that I knew very little about the topic in which the library specialized: namely, resources for childcare and early childhood education. Since my daughter was only a toddler at the time, the subject resonated very strongly with me and I found ways to keep myself interested even though the workload, once I found my footing, wasn't terribly heavy.
I moved after that into two part-time jobs. In one, I was doing mind-numbing data entry work on an endless retrospective conversion (recon) project. That was my entrance into the library system at UBC. My other job was providing PC support for library staff at the college where I received my library technician diploma. That was so dull that I spent a lot of time surfing the internet, and that's how I found out about online dating. So that job, while not particularly fulfilling, allowed me to enter the next phase of my social life, such as it was. But I eventually quit that one because although the data entry stuff at UBC was really dull, at least it kept my mind and fingers occupied for the duration of my shift. And there were other opportunities on campus, whereas the college library didn't offer much in the way of movement.
From the recon project I moved to another branch library, and found myself in yet another area of library work that had been unfamiliar to me up until then. I was working with serials, and I found the complexities maddening...and satisfying. However, despite having bursts of intensity in which I found myself working into and out of backlogs constantly, the job was often very slow and plodding. I stayed there for four years and it was the good relationships I developed with most of my coworkers that kept me there all that time. Finally, the politics and poor administration wore me down and I had to leave.
Now, I work in yet another new environment, in a brand new position, in a resource centre that operates like a library, whose patrons expect it to act like a library, but whose entire existence, until about a year ago, was in the hands of people who had never been trained to run a library. The quality of the records, materials and processes shows those years of neglect keenly, and I often find myself in a tailspin, knowing there is so much to be done, but not having the authority (and yes, I admit it, the skill) to deal with all of it.
So here I am, living in an unsatisfying situation yet again. I can't help but peruse whatever other options are available to me, though I feel kind of lame for not making a go of it here. I long for a job in which I feel on the verge of being overwhelmed every minute, because it is in that state in which I do my best work. When I'm in my current state: spending more time reading newspapers online, surfing random entertainment websites, and posting on my blog at work, than I do actually working, I feel ... heavy. Slow. Tired. Interestingly, I don't feel particularly guilty, because when I am working, I am putting everything I have into what I'm doing. And I have a very high standard, so the work I am doing is quality work.
However, this history, in which I have tested the waters in a variety of library environments, makes me suspect that, despite my passion for it, library work may not offer me the stimulation and capacity that I really need to have in my work. But if not this...then what?
posted by infobabe | 9:47 a.m.
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