change day
I have been very preoccupied lately by my impending move and its relationship with my half-assed job hunt. Part of what's bugging me about all this is the fact that I haven't hammered down the details of the move yet, and I can't really decide what I want to do about my job. And the fact that all of it is happening together is both annoying and inevitable. And it's been stressing me out a little, but today I woke up feeling different about it.
Basically I got to feeling The Change. No, not that change (although PMS most likely has something to do with today's mood). Every once in a while I just get antsy-pantsy. Life is dull, it needs a shake-up. I'm in a rut and I need to do something, anything, to change my trajectory.
I have a lot of opportunity for Change, at least as much as for No Change. I have a boyfriend who lives in another city, and that alone creates a whole universe of possibility. Possibility, you understand, must not be confused with probability. Whatever. It suits my Piscean nature to read through craigslist ads for not just my city but his, fantasizing about all the wonderful changes that are possible. New city, new house, new job, new friends, new activities, new places to shop and eat and play. It makes a girl just dizzy!
Luckily, I do have one foot on the ground at all times. My daughter is my anchor, and it is most unlikely that I would make that particular move simply out of fear that it would be far too disruptive to her. Not to mention that if I were to attempt to take the child away, my mother might just disown me. This, like the Change fantasies I weave, may simply be an illusion, but it is the reality I live every day.
So instead I get a bee up my butt about moving and changing jobs and joining book clubs and all that stuff, but on a much smaller scale. I think about moving, but not west of Main street. I think about a new job, but not outside my rarefied academic environment. I think about new involvements, but only within my comfort zone. Maybe instead of making a big move, to a new city or a new country (or both), I am doing a lot of little changes all at once, which add up to that bigger Change.
Basically I got to feeling The Change. No, not that change (although PMS most likely has something to do with today's mood). Every once in a while I just get antsy-pantsy. Life is dull, it needs a shake-up. I'm in a rut and I need to do something, anything, to change my trajectory.
I have a lot of opportunity for Change, at least as much as for No Change. I have a boyfriend who lives in another city, and that alone creates a whole universe of possibility. Possibility, you understand, must not be confused with probability. Whatever. It suits my Piscean nature to read through craigslist ads for not just my city but his, fantasizing about all the wonderful changes that are possible. New city, new house, new job, new friends, new activities, new places to shop and eat and play. It makes a girl just dizzy!
Luckily, I do have one foot on the ground at all times. My daughter is my anchor, and it is most unlikely that I would make that particular move simply out of fear that it would be far too disruptive to her. Not to mention that if I were to attempt to take the child away, my mother might just disown me. This, like the Change fantasies I weave, may simply be an illusion, but it is the reality I live every day.
So instead I get a bee up my butt about moving and changing jobs and joining book clubs and all that stuff, but on a much smaller scale. I think about moving, but not west of Main street. I think about a new job, but not outside my rarefied academic environment. I think about new involvements, but only within my comfort zone. Maybe instead of making a big move, to a new city or a new country (or both), I am doing a lot of little changes all at once, which add up to that bigger Change.
posted by infobabe | 1:57 p.m.
1 Comments:
those little changes do add up :p
plus, being an ancient old person compared to you, your "little" changes seem HUGE to me, right now :lol: I guess maybe its all about perspective-both possibilities and probabilities tend to get a bit more distant the more you get settled into life. Which I'm hoping is different from getting stuck in a rut :)
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