Tomorrow could be the first day of the rest of my life.
I have a job interview. As usual I am spending a lot of time today trying to get over a bunch of anxiety about letting my current supervisor know that I'm looking for another job. It seems to me that it's really hard to do that without making it seem like I'm unhappy at this job. Which of course I am, but it doesn't seem smart to let my boss know that, somehow.
If I was feeling less muddled by anxiety I might be able to internalize the fact that, rather than feeling pissed off or perturbed that an employee was looking for a better opportunity, my supervisor might actually support me in that goal. I know that if I were in that situation, with a person I was supervising possibly leaving for greener pastures, I wouldn't hold an iota of resentment toward that person. I might have a few moments of "oh man that means some more work for me now," but that passes soon enough. Obviously I know on some level that that is probably the case, and my boss' reaction to my desire to move onward and upward is much worse in my imagination than it will be in reality. What rational reason would she have for being pissed about that?
I guess the other part of it is that I don't really want her to know that I'm going around miserable. Which of course is ridiculous because there is no reason for her to think that. She will only know what I tell her, and if I simply tell her I've approached a couple of potential advancement opportunities, which really doesn't need to affect the way I continue to do my job here, then I have nothing to fear for recrimination at all.
Writing that down hasn't done anything for the knot in my stomach or the trembling in my hands.
Maybe I'm masking my anxiety about the actual interview in my anxiety about asking my supervisor, who doesn't even know I'm looking to get out, for a reference. Because I really want this job and I'm worried I'm going to fuck up the interview, even though all the signs are looking pretty good right now.
Bah. I think I need to shut off my brain for a while. How does one go about doing that?
If I was feeling less muddled by anxiety I might be able to internalize the fact that, rather than feeling pissed off or perturbed that an employee was looking for a better opportunity, my supervisor might actually support me in that goal. I know that if I were in that situation, with a person I was supervising possibly leaving for greener pastures, I wouldn't hold an iota of resentment toward that person. I might have a few moments of "oh man that means some more work for me now," but that passes soon enough. Obviously I know on some level that that is probably the case, and my boss' reaction to my desire to move onward and upward is much worse in my imagination than it will be in reality. What rational reason would she have for being pissed about that?
I guess the other part of it is that I don't really want her to know that I'm going around miserable. Which of course is ridiculous because there is no reason for her to think that. She will only know what I tell her, and if I simply tell her I've approached a couple of potential advancement opportunities, which really doesn't need to affect the way I continue to do my job here, then I have nothing to fear for recrimination at all.
Writing that down hasn't done anything for the knot in my stomach or the trembling in my hands.
Maybe I'm masking my anxiety about the actual interview in my anxiety about asking my supervisor, who doesn't even know I'm looking to get out, for a reference. Because I really want this job and I'm worried I'm going to fuck up the interview, even though all the signs are looking pretty good right now.
Bah. I think I need to shut off my brain for a while. How does one go about doing that?
posted by infobabe | 1:03 p.m.
2 Comments:
good luck tomorrow infobabe!!! i'll be sending good thoughts!
thanks darth :)
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