big picture
So, I used to be a voracious journal-writer. I mean, I have books and books of angst-ridden memoir from my youth, which I look on periodically and value greatly as an insight into my developing mind and spirit. I think writing, particularly chronicling your life as you live it, is an invaluable tool for learning and understanding your own psyche.
And it's not like my mind is any less filled with anxieties and concerns and delights than it was back when I was a teenager. I'm in my mid-30s now and I have a lot of shit going on. To wit:
1) A 9-year-old daughter who is starting to go through some of the stuff that prompted me to write so madly in my youth. I am very involved in her life and I have a lot to say about it, a lot to observe, a lot of comparisons and contrasts to make.
2) A relationship with my daughter's father that ebbs and flows as a source of anxiety, anger and doubt in my life. From which I undoubtedly carry much baggage that continues to affect my decisions, my family life and logistics, my very self-esteem to this day, although that relationship ended nearly 7 years ago.
3) A 3-year-and-counting long-distance relationship that fills me with joy and has secured my well-being in a way I wasn't sure would be possible again, and also tickles the edges of any regrets I might harbour about decisions I've made in my life. Yes, that is somewhat cryptic.
4) A financial situation, at times quite dire, that has been a source of stress for some time, which has prompted a months-long search for a new job, one that will give me a sense of ambition fulfillment as well as a paycheque that will give me and my daughter a greater comfort level. A search, incidentally, that has recently been successful, and elicits some emotional responses that I didn't figure on when my search began.
5) Miscellaneous other stuff: relationships with family members, ambitions and plans, observations about life and how it all fits together.
Like I said, there's a lot of shit there. Maybe I'll blog in a bit more depth about each of these things as a way of reinvigorating my writing life over the next little while. Perhaps the onset of winter will dampen that energy somewhat, but I think I'll feel better if I try to get back to writing.
And it's not like my mind is any less filled with anxieties and concerns and delights than it was back when I was a teenager. I'm in my mid-30s now and I have a lot of shit going on. To wit:
1) A 9-year-old daughter who is starting to go through some of the stuff that prompted me to write so madly in my youth. I am very involved in her life and I have a lot to say about it, a lot to observe, a lot of comparisons and contrasts to make.
2) A relationship with my daughter's father that ebbs and flows as a source of anxiety, anger and doubt in my life. From which I undoubtedly carry much baggage that continues to affect my decisions, my family life and logistics, my very self-esteem to this day, although that relationship ended nearly 7 years ago.
3) A 3-year-and-counting long-distance relationship that fills me with joy and has secured my well-being in a way I wasn't sure would be possible again, and also tickles the edges of any regrets I might harbour about decisions I've made in my life. Yes, that is somewhat cryptic.
4) A financial situation, at times quite dire, that has been a source of stress for some time, which has prompted a months-long search for a new job, one that will give me a sense of ambition fulfillment as well as a paycheque that will give me and my daughter a greater comfort level. A search, incidentally, that has recently been successful, and elicits some emotional responses that I didn't figure on when my search began.
5) Miscellaneous other stuff: relationships with family members, ambitions and plans, observations about life and how it all fits together.
Like I said, there's a lot of shit there. Maybe I'll blog in a bit more depth about each of these things as a way of reinvigorating my writing life over the next little while. Perhaps the onset of winter will dampen that energy somewhat, but I think I'll feel better if I try to get back to writing.
posted by infobabe | 12:12 p.m.
2 Comments:
YOU WILL FEEL BETTER WHEN YOU GO OUR FOR COCKTAILS WIF ME AN' ERIN!
as a matter of fact that did make me feel quite good :)
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