ageing indifference
okay so i was reading Arethusa's blog and noticed I was thinking about age, age differences, and ageing. Yes, all these thoughts crowded into my already overstuffed brain at once and this, THIS my friends, is the resulting explosment. Bear with the chaos that follows.
I have never dated someone my age. Not for very long anyway. I tried to date guys my age during the 2-year period (rapidly fading into memory now) when I was actively dating any guy who would respond to my profile on the dating sites. I actually kind of liked a few of them, but that's another blog entry. The point is, I don't seem to have success with men who are the same age as me, whatever age that may be.
My first long-term boyfriend when I was a teenager was 5 years older than me. He was that much older in years, but during the course of our 3-year relationship I rapidly left him behind, until I had to break up with him or kill myself. Luckily, I chose the former option.
My next long-term boyfriend (actually a rebound, technically, since I started pursuing him before I'd even officially broken up with the other one) lasted 2+ years, though it was of the off-and-on variety, and partly long-distance. He was almost 3 years older than me. At age 17, I suppose that's kind of a noticeable difference.
The next relationship (omg also a rebound!!) was my Ex. I think after 10 years and a resounding, definitive breakup, he merits a capital E, as none of the others have. He is almost 7 years older than me, and anyone who knows the history there can tell you, he is an emotional cripple, practically infantile in certain fundamental aspects of his character. To the point where people who know me hear the story and go, "how could you have even been with that guy???" because my 20/20 hindsight shows that it's really quite unbelievable. I guess I try to shrug it off and say Well, I was 19 when we got together and we had a lot of good years together in which we had a lot of fun and he didn't really start to regress until a few years before we broke up.... yeah yeah. Excuses, excuses. He was proportionately mature when we got together but I matured more quickly than he did as the years passed.
I'm noticing a pattern here.
~!!CRACK!!~
then the pattern broke. Again, resoundingly. I hooked up with a guy who is younger than me. The same amount younger than me as my Ex is older than me, actually: 6 years. At age 34, is that such a notable difference in age? The fact that my boyfriend hasn't even reached 30? Is it weird? I've loved my 30s so far, I've embraced them. I want everyone to be in their 30s.
It sounds like a cliche, but "I don't understand the young people today." Troof. Sick. My boyfriend does not fall into this category, having passed the magical age of 26 (thank god), and having accomplished more in his 28 years than many people do in a lifetime. But I work at a university and so I'm constantly surrounded by people aged 18-24, and unless they're abnormally mature, they pretty much baffle me. My first reaction, when I find myself in conversation with them, is generally discomfort, and I often look at them and wonder how close their mannerisms and mental states are to how mine were at that age. I hope, and fear, that they are not so different.
The internet is a great equalizer in some ways. I see people all around me every day who remind me of what Arethusa, and maybe a couple others I am familiar with from my online forays, might be like in person. And I wonder if these youngsters go home at night and read interesting books and listen to interesting musics and poke around in interesting online communities, interacting privately, secretly, with people like me.
I have never dated someone my age. Not for very long anyway. I tried to date guys my age during the 2-year period (rapidly fading into memory now) when I was actively dating any guy who would respond to my profile on the dating sites. I actually kind of liked a few of them, but that's another blog entry. The point is, I don't seem to have success with men who are the same age as me, whatever age that may be.
My first long-term boyfriend when I was a teenager was 5 years older than me. He was that much older in years, but during the course of our 3-year relationship I rapidly left him behind, until I had to break up with him or kill myself. Luckily, I chose the former option.
My next long-term boyfriend (actually a rebound, technically, since I started pursuing him before I'd even officially broken up with the other one) lasted 2+ years, though it was of the off-and-on variety, and partly long-distance. He was almost 3 years older than me. At age 17, I suppose that's kind of a noticeable difference.
The next relationship (omg also a rebound!!) was my Ex. I think after 10 years and a resounding, definitive breakup, he merits a capital E, as none of the others have. He is almost 7 years older than me, and anyone who knows the history there can tell you, he is an emotional cripple, practically infantile in certain fundamental aspects of his character. To the point where people who know me hear the story and go, "how could you have even been with that guy???" because my 20/20 hindsight shows that it's really quite unbelievable. I guess I try to shrug it off and say Well, I was 19 when we got together and we had a lot of good years together in which we had a lot of fun and he didn't really start to regress until a few years before we broke up.... yeah yeah. Excuses, excuses. He was proportionately mature when we got together but I matured more quickly than he did as the years passed.
I'm noticing a pattern here.
~!!CRACK!!~
then the pattern broke. Again, resoundingly. I hooked up with a guy who is younger than me. The same amount younger than me as my Ex is older than me, actually: 6 years. At age 34, is that such a notable difference in age? The fact that my boyfriend hasn't even reached 30? Is it weird? I've loved my 30s so far, I've embraced them. I want everyone to be in their 30s.
It sounds like a cliche, but "I don't understand the young people today." Troof. Sick. My boyfriend does not fall into this category, having passed the magical age of 26 (thank god), and having accomplished more in his 28 years than many people do in a lifetime. But I work at a university and so I'm constantly surrounded by people aged 18-24, and unless they're abnormally mature, they pretty much baffle me. My first reaction, when I find myself in conversation with them, is generally discomfort, and I often look at them and wonder how close their mannerisms and mental states are to how mine were at that age. I hope, and fear, that they are not so different.
The internet is a great equalizer in some ways. I see people all around me every day who remind me of what Arethusa, and maybe a couple others I am familiar with from my online forays, might be like in person. And I wonder if these youngsters go home at night and read interesting books and listen to interesting musics and poke around in interesting online communities, interacting privately, secretly, with people like me.
posted by infobabe | 4:02 p.m.
6 Comments:
:tsk:
i believe miz ahootie is more like me than she lets on..
i'm 93 in badger years, and am practicing tottering around without a cane.
i think being online has made me more acutely aware of the difference between physical age and emotional age. some people are wise beyond their years, and some are just stunted emotionally at around 13 years old.
I've dated someone ten years younger than me, and someone twenty years older than me. Oddly, the two people on either end of this spectrum had more in common than any of the "mid-range" guys I've dated. I'd have to say that although when there are big age differences (like a whole or half generation difference) what becomes a problem is the fact that you might be at a different stage of your life and wanting completely different things.
Life experience is a big thing too. Someone who is younger but is well travelled might find dating someone who is older but has had less life experience either because they have invested heavily in a career or what have you, kind of boring the same way and older person might find a younger person who is similarly inexperienced in the world
I think what is always most important is not age, but common goals and common life experiences.
I'm just thrilled that I got so much word count in a blog post. :-)
I really haven't dated that much-I usually insist that the male in question joins me in a serious of group outings and conversations before-but all my bf's have been "mid-range" so far (which isn't saying much).
I do seem to attract the young un's though. I remember being in FL at a New Year's eve and getting hit on by a 15 year old who thougt I was the same age.
this all sounds so familiar ... are you sure you aren't one of the voices in my head?
in high school and through my 20s it had always been older men too ... after i left my ex (father of the boys)when i turned 30, it seemed that men in their 20's were very interested in dating me.
i will never EVER make the mistake of dating someone almost 10 years younger than me (or maybe someone that i met on a CERTAIN chat board) BUT i think that 4 years suits me JUST fine.
I like em young.
but I have friends that like them old. I'll settle for someone that holds my hand.
Its not age. Its who the person is.
Post a Comment
<< Home